Nefie's Diary

Thanks Terry

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did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
proving nature’s law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
funny it seems, but by keeping it’s dreams,
it learned to breathe fresh air.
long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.
- TUPAC
(June 16, 1971 - September 13, 1996)
(via chanelanddiamondsohmy)

(via theblackisis)

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So…

If I committed suicide no one would understand why. I know people would think why would I go that far, everyone has to deal with stresses in their life, that’s life. You shouldn’t kill yourself… The problem is I feel some stresses you shouldn’t have to go through. People make life harder than it has to be, esp with their ill feelings making things bad for others. I find many things in my life, and life in general to be stupid, illogical. And, I don’t know if my feelings come from this disconnect I have with me and the world, and obviously the world with me, but I feel it can be so much better and yet it’s not. Crazy, I stay hopeful (the reason I made it this far), cause I feel it can’t really be like this. Like they’re times I believe this can’t be real, it has to be a joke, it’s all in my head. But, as yet of, this is what’s considered reality. What makes it more difficult is that my dreams show me how much better it can be, why couldn’t they be reality. They are so vivid. I wake up feeling like I hardly slept, to feel a totally different way. It feels as though I’m living in two separate worlds… I’m not saying my dream world may be real, I’m just saying it sucks that I can clearly visualize and feel something different that in reality can’t seem to be. There in lies the problem, if I can’t have my world (I call/describe as purple) what is the point of living. I might be driven to that. So far, again, I stay hopeful, with the thought I don’t want to hurt my cousin, who I consider like a sister, Jordan, and that I do want to, at least, adopt a child and be the mother I’ve always dreamed about. But I don’t know which side will win, my cloud or my hope…

with this I still manage to be a nice, and joking person. 1, I can’t judge if I don’t treat others the way I wanted to be treated. 2, I feel If I’m not like that who else will be (You can’t depend on some else to be the good person instead). 3, It just helps. And, If you didn’t realize it, my words, my advice (if even if they sound mean) are to help, to get people to the place they want to be, cause obviously I understand… Still hoping to get to the place I want be

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So…

they speak down on your name
them I don’t blame
people trained to complain
I don’t listen anyway
they don’t love me like you
don’t do the things you do
wouldn’t know if words are true
but I put my trust in you

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I hate…

All that passive aggressive sensitive ass shit (from a male) I don’t care if I do it, I’m a female! You should not be upset in the same manner as I am upset. Even worse, you’re being more whiney/difficult than I am